«*» RUKHSANA«*» <>_<>The daily humorscope<>_<>

 

 

<>_<>The daily humorscope<>_<>

Saturday, September 17, 2011 "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." -- Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C. Aries (March 21 - April 19) Today is the day you've been waiting for. Go around to everyone you know, and tell them you're terribly sorry. Give them a firm handclasp, and walk briskly away, with no further explanation. Tomorrow, deny ever doing such a thing, and question their sanity. If you keep people on their toes, they will have a richer, fuller life. That's thanks enough, I should think, for your efforts. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) As you are walking along, you will notice someone leaning back in a chair. You should stop and insist that they bring their seatback to a full upright and locked position until the captain has turned off a sign. Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You will begin a spiritual journey. The karmic chaos which has surrounded you begins to settle into a new pattern. Also, you will become strangely fascinated by electric juicers. Cancer (June 21 - July 22) When you were young, your heart was an open book. You used to say "live and let live." But if this ever-changing world, which we live in, makes you give it a miss, say "live and let die." Or something. Leo (July 23 - August 22) You've been finding that the best-laid plans of mice and men often go astray. Or is that awry? Awiggly? It's something along those lines. Anyway, the thing to do is to fire your mice. Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Your next fortune cookie will say "See? We told you it taste like chicken!" Libra (September 23 - October 22) Today you'll develop a rare mental disorder, causing you to mix metaphors. But don't you worry -- you can't make an omelet without a silver lining, and in this case, you'll discover that everyone will confuse mixed metaphors with management potential. BIG promotion in store. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) When you were young, your heart was an open book. You used to say "live and let live". But if this ever-changing world, which we live in, makes you give it a miss, say "live and let die". Or something. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Unaccountably, everything you eat will remind you of wild hickory nuts. This is the first sign of Gibbon's Syndrome, and you should seek immediate medical attention. You don't want to end up getting arrested for eating your neighbour's shrubbery... Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) You will be tickled without mercy, today. Oddly, you will not be able to see your assailant. Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Excellent day to study gastroenterology, or possibly to go bowling. Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting "Hark!" however.