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Thanks / Regards
Shakeel Ahmed
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
 

 Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?

A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?

A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?

A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?

A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men? Fifteen of them Saudi Arabians? hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?

A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?

A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?

A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?

A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q: Good night, Daddy.

California International Studies Project
Stanford University
 
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Shakeel Ahmed
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love

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A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life. And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think? "
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO sh*t. Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
 
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Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
 

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Computer wins out in the end

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.
 
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Shakeel Ahmed
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
 

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Shakeel Ahmed
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
 
 
There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true. the other is to refuse to accept what is true. ~ Soren Kierkegaard






                  
 

 
 
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Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love

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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being n*ked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.

After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the n*de?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved alongside him. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh , yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, " Do you always wear a condom when you run? "

"Nope......... Just when it's raining".
 
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Shakeel Ahmed
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
 

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Celebrating a golden jubilee Kuwait style: Gulf state spends £10million to put on the biggest firework display of all time


 
For the paltry sum of just £10million Kuwait earned a place in the Guinness Book of Records last night as it celebrated the golden jubilee anniversary of its constitution in style by laying on  the biggest fireworks display of all time.
A dazzling array of colours illuminated the skies above the country's capital of Kuwait City as a staggering 77,282 fireworks were launched over the period of an hour.
A representative of Guinness World Records announced the achievement on Kuwait television at the end of the display which had been watched by tens of thousands of Kuwaitis and expatriates on the Arabian Gulf Road by the sea.
The visual presentation marked 50 years to the day since the late emir Sheikh Abdullah al-Salem al-Sabah announced that Kuwait had become the first Arab state in the Gulf to issue a constitution and have a parliament.
Before the festivities Emir Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah pledged the government's continuing commitment to democracy and made a plea for national unity as the wealthy Gulf state struggles with a political crisis.

Exploding fireworks illuminate the sky over Kuwait City, Kuwait, last night, during celebrations on the occasion of the 50th Constitution Day jubilee
Exploding fireworks illuminate the sky over Kuwait City, Kuwait, last night, during celebrations on the occasion of the 50th Constitution Day jubilee
The firework show which lasted for an hour was the largest of its kinds in the world and cost a reported £10million
The firework show which lasted for an hour was the largest of its kinds in the world and cost a reported £10million
A dazzling array of colours illuminated the skies above the country's capital of Kuwait City as a staggering 77,282 fireworks were launched over the period of an hour
A dazzling array of colours illuminated the skies above the country's capital of Kuwait City as a staggering 77,282 fireworks were launched over the period of an hour
fireworks

fireworks
A representative of Guinness World Records announced that the display was the biggest of all time on Kuwait television at the end of the display which had been watched by tens of thousands of Kuwaitis and expatriates on the Arabian Gulf Road by the sea

In the past 50 years parliament has been dissolved on nine occasions, while some articles of the constitution itself were frozen twice to suspend parliament for a total of 11 years in the 1970s and 1980s.
Last night's celebration came as the government and opposition are locked in one of the worst standoffs in the country's history, with the opposition accusing the government of staging a coup against the constitution.
 
More than 150 people and 24 policemen suffered minor injuries during three massive demonstrations held by the opposition to protest against the amendment of the electoral law ordered by the emir last month.
The opposition claims the amendment is in breach of the constitution and allows the government to influence the outcome of parliamentary polls due on December 1. It insists that the emir must repeal the amendment.
The opposition is marking the constitution anniversary with a huge rally in Kuwait City on Sunday.
The visual presentation marked 50 years to the day since the late emir Sheikh Abdullah al-Salem al-Sabah announced that Kuwait had become the first Arab state in the Gulf to issue a constitution
The visual presentation marked 50 years to the day since the late emir Sheikh Abdullah al-Salem al-Sabah announced that Kuwait had become the first Arab state in the Gulf to issue a constitution
Thousands of people gather to watch fireworks and dramatic laser display which lights the sky near the Kuwait Towers
Thousands of people gather to watch fireworks and dramatic laser display which lights the sky near the Kuwait Towers
Revelers wave Kuwaiti flags in the foreground as the fireworks burst above the Persian Gulf
Revelers wave Kuwaiti flags in the foreground as the fireworks burst above the Persian Gulf
Locals flocked to the beach to witness the incredible display, many recording it on their mobile phones
Locals flocked to the beach to witness the incredible display, many recording it on their mobile phones
A youngsters climbs on a broad pair of shoulders to get a better view of the spectacular display
A youngsters climbs on a broad pair of shoulders to get a better view of the spectacular display
Last night's celebration came as the government and opposition are locked in one of the worst standoffs in the country's history, with the opposition accusing the government of staging a coup against the constitution
Last night's celebration came as the government and opposition are locked in one of the worst standoffs in the country's history, with the opposition accusing the government of staging a coup against the constitution
This dramatic image captures the moment some of the thousands of fireworks gave the night sky an orange hue
This dramatic image captures the moment some of the thousands of fireworks gave the night sky an orange hue
Before the festivities Emir Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah pledged the government's continuing commitment to democracy
Before the festivities Emir Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah pledged the government's continuing commitment to democracy
Bright white fireworks light up the high rise buildings in the capital of the oil-rich state
Bright white fireworks light up the high rise buildings in the capital of the oil-rich state
Purple and red fireworks light up the skyline above Kuwait
Purple and red fireworks light up the skyline above Kuwait






   






 


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Shakeel Ahmed
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love

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Shakeel Ahmed
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Subject: A little boy wanted to meet God

A little boy wanted to meet God.  He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed
his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man.  He was sitting in the park,
just staring at some pigeons.  The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase.  He was
about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry,
so he offered him some chips. He gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.

His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. 
Again, he smiled at him.  The boy was delighted!
     
They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had
gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. 
He gave him his biggest smile ever..

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the
look of joy on his face. 
She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"
     
He replied, "I had lunch with God."  But before his mother could respond, he added,
"You know what?  He's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the
look of peace on his face and he asked, "Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied "I ate potato chips in the park with God." 
However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."
--
 
 
 
Always show more kindness than seems necessary, because the person receiving it needs it more than you will ever know.
 
 
 
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Shakeel Ahmed
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love

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Won't sell up? Enjoy living in the middle of a motorway! Road is built around a house after elderly Chinese couple refuse to move

  • An elderly couple refuse to move as a road is built around their apartment
  • They insist the government's relocation compensation is not enough
By Alex Ward
PUBLISHED: 10:27 GMT, 22 November 2012 | UPDATED: 16:18 GMT, 22 November 2012



A lone apartment building stands in the middle of a newly built road after an elderly couple refused to relocate.
Luo Baogen and his wife insist on living in the half-demolished building in the city of Wenling, in Zhejiang province, China because they believe that the relocation compensation offered by the government is not enough.
Now the only building left standing, the five storey block is a strange sight as cars drive around it while the couple remain living inside.
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