Shaikh Ahmed Deedat's Biography informs us that he was rejected by 32 families in his youthful days because he was not 'so rich'. Later on, many rich, famous girls would have been ready to marry the famous Deedat of 50 years but nobody was ready to marry the struggling Deedat of 20. The lady he married 'Hawa' was a common girl who could not understand English yet she sat in the front rows during all the Deedat talks and looked at her husband with a keen interest. Allah provided her a lot of honor and also financial comforts through her husband.
Let me share an interesting and an analytical conversation that I witnessed during a marriage discussion. Here it went :
The Guardian of the Girl : So what is the boy doing?
The Guardian of the Boy : No he didn't complete his graduation but the family has a huge business
The Guardian of the Girl : Yes, but what is the boy doing?
The Guardian of the Boy : He helps the family business
The Guardian of the Girl : Yes but what is the boy doing? Is he into selling the goods or purchasing in-charge of the goods or does he sees the accounts? How does he help the family business ?
The Guardian of the Boy : He visits the business and sees everything.
The Guardian of the girl concluded that "the boy is not himself rich but he is the son of a rich man. He may not be capable of doing anything on his own except that he spends his dad's money". The proposal was refused. It was a wise decision.
Many parents prefer to give their daughters to religious boys who are also rich. They reason that it is for the financial security. . When it comes to financial security, most of us have misunderstood the term 'richness'. Many of us think that if the boy is rich, then our daughter will be happily settled. One of the most common misconceptions about rich people is that they are happy and money solves most of their problems.
One my friend is from middle class and has a beautiful sister. Some rich lady spotted her in one of the marriages and pursued her till she got her married to her rich son. People wondered aloud how the girl was 'very lucky' to have the beautiful looks. But in few months the picture was cleared. The boy's family was rich but the boy was not into richness when it came to earnings. The family had lots of financial feuds among its members. Violent dinners and late night loud quarrels were a regular routine and the girl discovered that nothing was rich except the large house and the expensive furniture.
Finally in a few years the family disintegrated and the property was shared. What came in the hands of this girl and her husband was a small apartment with no business. The 'Rich boy' did not have a top formal education that could land him at a good place for a job. He did not have any skills that could make him self employed. He did not know how to do business because he did never learn. He underwent depression as he had never seen hardships in life.
A large number of 'Cinderella Syndrome girls' dream for a Prince perfect. Perfection in looks, smart in approach and rich in possession are their dream sketches of the boy. So they are fussy. Despite the fact that they themselves come from a middle class background they refuse proposals from boys who earn more than the girls' father. One of the rich family I know, got their daughter married to a middle class educated boy who was earning Ten Thousand Indian Rupees, but he was disciplined, well mannered and educated with a fondness of Deen too. Today he earns more than two lac Indian Rupees.
There are plenty of middle class rugged boys who quest for halal income. They hang in crowded local trains; they are sweaty while waiting in bus queues. They cannot afford Pizzas and burgers every day but they are content with simple home food. They may not be too rich but they have undergone the richness of life. They are rich in manners. They are educated and disciplined even in monetary issues. They have tasted their own earnings. They do not blow away their money to expensive unwanted electronic gadgets and cinema theatres. They contribute to the parents' expenses from whatever they earn. In their mid twenties, they have wisdom of a matured man. They may not wear branded dresses and shoes but they carry a confident personality. They do not fail to attend religious sermons and enjoy their life within the Islamic boundaries. At the age of 25 if a young man is earning around twenty five thousand Indian Rupees, he has a bright prospectus as passing years will bring him more experience and better job opportunities.
Fortunately for our daughters, these types of boys are in large numbers but unfortunately they don't appear richer and smarter on the bench mark of the Cinderellas and Snow Whites so they are disqualified even before they are interviewed. Meanwhile the hunt for the mythological Prince charming goes on as the biodatas of young men are flapped pages after pages in the matrimonial centers and girls remain unmarried for long while waiting for a 'Mr Right'. This is an ugly reality of our community and it is in plenty.
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