<>_<>Humorscope~WEDNESSDAY , September 14, 2011<>_<>
Humorscope~Tuesday, September 13, 2011
"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep." -- Fran Lebowitz
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will be intensely jealous of a rival today. Finally, you will realise that it isn't doing you any good to be jealous, so you'll switch over to envy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Do not snitch a jelly donut today, when nobody is looking. The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will discover you have a certain flair for copywriting, and will pick up a little extra spending money by doing window signs for stores, such as "Going Out Of Business. Waaaah!"
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will be up the creek, but you will actually have a very large number of paddles with you, due to some excellent planning on your part.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will make people squirm, today. Surprisingly, some of them will show remarkable talent at squirming.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn and do the reindeer dance.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
You will invent a new type of lingerie, and will make millions. The stripes are the key to your success. You will call it "Ze Bra."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it's OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right between "kidnapped and tortured" and "wins the lottery". Probably a little of both, I'd guess.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will finally get the television exposure you've been wanting, by organizing a group of protesters to block the entrance to a physics lab, holding crudely-lettered signs saying "Down With Gravity!".
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
If you love someone, let them go. If you hate someone, grab 'em and hang on like a dog with a stick. Snarl a bit, too -- that's always fairly effective.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
It's ok to whistle while you work. Your co-workers will draw the line at yodelling while you work, however. They're probably just jealous
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