<>_<>stupid remarks<>_<>
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are more actual label instructions on consumer goods.
stupidity, here are more actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer
"Do not use while sleeping."
(But I just don't have time when I'm awake!)
On a bag of Fritos
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(As opposed to....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)
"Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
"Product will be hot after heating."
(And you thought?)
On an auto sun screen
"Do not cover windshield while driving."
(Where's the challenge?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(Yeah, you tell a 5 year-old he can't drive.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(There goes my whole night!)
On most brands of Christmas lights
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to....)
On a Japanese food processor
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Duh)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Then use Dial soap like regular soap.)
On a laser pointer
"Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye."
(Why didn't I read that first?)
On a child's Superman costume
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(That's gotta be false advertising.)
On a Swedish chainsaw
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Hands, I can understand... but genitals?! It takes a REAL man!)
Excuse me, I've got to go out and get me a Swedish chainsaw....
"Do not use while sleeping."
(But I just don't have time when I'm awake!)
On a bag of Fritos
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(As opposed to....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)
"Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
"Product will be hot after heating."
(And you thought?)
On an auto sun screen
"Do not cover windshield while driving."
(Where's the challenge?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(Yeah, you tell a 5 year-old he can't drive.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(There goes my whole night!)
On most brands of Christmas lights
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to....)
On a Japanese food processor
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Duh)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Then use Dial soap like regular soap.)
On a laser pointer
"Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye."
(Why didn't I read that first?)
On a child's Superman costume
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(That's gotta be false advertising.)
On a Swedish chainsaw
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Hands, I can understand... but genitals?! It takes a REAL man!)
Excuse me, I've got to go out and get me a Swedish chainsaw....
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