THE AIMS OF MARRIAGE The concept of marriage, from the Islamic perspective, is not that it is solely a need without whose fulfillment the enjoyment of life cannot be attained. On the contrary, Islam has explained the spiritual dimension of this union by defining it a form of worship by which one may achieve nearness to Allah. (Allah is an Arabic word for Almighty God , Name of Creator of Universes According to a hadith: (saying or actions of Our Holy Prophet) "When the servant of Allah marries he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith" (Mishkat) The final Prophet of Allah, Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) demonstrated the perfect example of this form of worship. In his practice one sees an attitude of such great respect and consideration for the delicate feelings of women that it remains unparalleled by any champion of women's rights. His efforts to comfort and please his pious wives; his sharing in their innocent leisure activities; his regard for their emotions; and his fair treatment of them is unique in history. "Allah, Most High, has says in Holy Qur'an Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect In this verse, Allah has described the creation of women as a token of His Wisdom and Power. As a favor to men, He has revealed that women were created for their benefit, namely peace and comfort. The fruitful end result of all the needs of men associated with women is tranquility, peace and comfort. Therefore the outcome of all conjugal affairs should be peace and comfort. The families which have achieved this treasure are in harmony with the purpose of their creation, whereas homes which lack inner peace, despite possessing the material means for outward comfort, are absolute failures in realizing the real aims of marriage. The object of marriage outlined above can only be achieved if the husband and wife recognize and fulfill their mutual rights. Otherwise quarrels evolve and destroy domestic peace. The nature of husband-wife transactions is such that no man-made law can enforce the complete fulfillment of rights, nor can courts of law do full justice in these matters. The fear of Allah and of being held responsible on the Day of Judgment are the only successful motivators that can ensure the discharging of rights. Allah, Most Merciful, has blessed us with another favour, that the matter of mutual rights has not been left dependent solely upon Islamic law and the courts. He has made the desire for discharging these rights intrinsic in human nature by infusing mutual love and compassion in the hearts of spouses. Allah, Most Exalted, has said: He has planted affection and mercy between you. (Quran 30:12) This special quality enables the couple to care for each other beyond the stipulated minimum. Tolerance enjoined on men Besides this natural disposition of mutual love, both the husband and the wife have been given distinct rights. Allah, Most Exalted. has revealed that: Women have the same [rights in relation to their husbands] as are expected in all decency from them; while men have a degree over them. Allah is Powerful, Wise." [Quran 2:228] In this verse, Allah , Most Merciful, has alluded to the rights of women before referring to the rights of men. A point of expediency in this sequence is that men invariably secure their rights by sheer strength but women are usually unable to secure their rights by force, therefore the need for safeguarding their rights is more serious. [Tafseer Maarif al Quran]. Another textual indication in this sequence is that men should take the initiative in fulfilling the rights of women. The seniority of men referred to in the Quranic verse neither implies greater rights of men nor suggests any excellence in terms of the life hereafter. The following Quranic revelation conveys this reassurance: Verily men who submit [to Allah] and women who submit, and men who believe and women who believe, and men who are obedient and women who are obedient, and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth, and men who are patient and women wo are patient THE AIMS OF MARRIAGE The concept of marriage, from the Islamic perspective, is not that it is solely a need without whose fulfillment the enjoyment of life cannot be attained. On the contrary, Islam has explained the spiritual dimension of this union by defining it a form of worship by which one may achieve nearness to Allah. (Allah is an Arabic word for Almighty God , Name of Creator of Universes According to a hadith: (saying or actions of Our Holy Prophet) "When the servant of Allah marries he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith" (Mishkat) The final Prophet of Allah, Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) demonstrated the perfect example of this form of worship. In his practice one sees an attitude of such great respect and consideration for the delicate feelings of women that it remains unparalleled by any champion of women's rights. His efforts to comfort and please his pious wives; his sharing in their innocent leisure activities; his regard for their emotions; and his fair treatment of them is unique in history. "Allah, Most High, has says in Holy Qur'an Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect In this verse, Allah has described the creation of women as a token of His Wisdom and Power. As a favor to men, He has revealed that women were created for their benefit, namely peace and comfort. The fruitful end result of all the needs of men associated with women is tranquility, peace and comfort. Therefore the outcome of all conjugal affairs should be peace and comfort. The families which have achieved this treasure are in harmony with the purpose of their creation, whereas homes which lack inner peace, despite possessing the material means for outward comfort, are absolute failures in realizing the real aims of marriage. The object of marriage outlined above can only be achieved if the husband and wife recognize and fulfill their mutual rights. Otherwise quarrels evolve and destroy domestic peace. The nature of husband-wife transactions is such that no man-made law can enforce the complete fulfillment of rights, nor can courts of law do full justice in these matters. The fear of Allah and of being held responsible on the Day of Judgment are the only successful motivators that can ensure the discharging of rights. Allah, Most Merciful, has blessed us with another favour, that the matter of mutual rights has not been left dependent solely upon Islamic law and the courts. He has made the desire for discharging these rights intrinsic in human nature by infusing mutual love and compassion in the hearts of spouses. Allah, Most Exalted, has said: He has planted affection and mercy between you. (Quran 30:12) This special quality enables the couple to care for each other beyond the stipulated minimum. Tolerance enjoined on men Besides this natural disposition of mutual love, both the husband and the wife have been given distinct rights. Allah, Most Exalted. has revealed that: and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty), and men who remember Allah much and women who remember, Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward. (Quran 33:35). In fact there are many subtleties in this Divine statement. As explained by Abduliah bin Abbas (radhialiaho anho), a companion of the Prophet (Sallallaho alaihi wasallam), expalains that " It simply suggests that men should have greater forbearance towards women. The implication is that should women be remiss in discharging the rights of men, it is expected that they would tolerate such lapses but not fall short themselves in fulfilling the rights of women." We have observed the spiritual elders exercising such magnanimity. Other beneficial purposes and points of wisdom about this issue can be found in the various interpretations of the Quran. The gist of those explanations is that this degree of seniority is also for the benefit of women. The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam), a blessing for all the worlds, was especially compassionate and lenient towards women and exalted their status. He had a deep concern about protecting them from all kinds of loss and discomfort, and he equated the reward of their routine activities with the rewards which men earn only after making tremendous sacrifice and effort. While Allah, Most High, in His wisdom has made women physically delicate, at the same time He has thrust the load of the hard struggles and burdens of their lives upon men. Thus men have been charged with the responsibility of maintaining women and being lenient, compassionate and forgiving. They have also been strictly forbidden from dealing harshly with women. Following are the sayings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) concerning these concessions, virtues and the status of women. The Virtues of Muslim Women A warning for men. Jabir (radhiallaho anho) narrates that the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) also gave these instructions in his sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage. "Fear Allah regarding women; for you have taken them (in marriage) with the trust of Allah. (Mishtat) This warning establishes the sanctity and inviolability of women's rights. In this teaching men have been cautioned that although they are guardians of women, they should not exercise this responsibility without concern and fear of accountability to Allah. They should be mindful that Allah is a witness between them and their wives and it is through His commandment and permission that women have been made lawful for them through marriage. Women are therefore in Allah's protection. If the husbands are cruel they are guilty of breaching their trust with Allah. How big an honour this is for women and how stern is the warning for their guardian husbands, that they should remember that women are in Allah's protection. (Ma 'Arif al-Hadith) The wife is therefore entrusted to the man on a sacred pledge to which Allah is a party. Islam teaches that in this union the function of the woman is not only for the gratification of physical drives. On the contrary she is viewed as the most qualified partner of man in shaping the character of family and society for the realisation of the ultimate aims of human existence. Farewell advice for men The Holy Prophet (Sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: O people, your wives have a certain right over you and you have certain rights over them. Treat them well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. (Tirmidhi) Fair dealings and good behaviour is necessary towards everyone, but the Prophet (Sallallaho alaihi wasaliam) the mercy for all mankind, emphasised it especially towards women. Kindness to the wife, an aspect of faith A'isha, (radhialiaho anha) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families." (Tirmidhi) Note: A'isha (radial ho anha), the Holy Prophet's wife, is one of the most famous women in Islamic history. She was gifted with an outstanding intelligence and memory and is considered to be one of the most reliable narrators of ahadith The Best men Abu Huraira (radhialiaho anho) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives " (Tirmidhi) Behaving with women emphasised For the benefit of the believers who love and follow him, the Prophet Sallallaho alaihi wasallam) cited his own example to make these instructions more effective, he remarked: The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. [Tirmidthi] Easy entry in paradise Umm Salma (radhiallaho anha) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise."[Tirmidhi] should the husband be displeased with his wife without any fault of hers, she will of course be innocent in Allah's sight and the responsibility for annoyance shall rest with the husband. Spending for wife's comfort It is narrated by Abu-Darda (radhiallaho anho) that the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) instructed me: "Spend as much as possible upon your family. . . " (Kanz) This is indeed a source of encouragement to spend for the comfort of women. The husband is also under an obligation to maintain his wife irrespective of whether she is rich or poor . Those who are not generous with their wives should take heed of this advice. Reward of everyday chores The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said; "Homemaking (Allah-willing) raises the station of a woman to the level of those who make Jihad " (Kanz) Jihad means striving the utmost in Allah's Path. Such a striving has many forms. Outwardly, this refers to the defense of the oppressed. Allah, Most Merciful, has revealed in the Holy Quran: "Fight in the way of Allah against those who fight against you, but begin not hostilities. Lo! Allah loveth not aggressors" (Quran 2:190). "If it were not because Allah repels some men by means of others, cloisters, churches, synagogues and mosques where Allah's name is mentioned frequently would have been demolished" (Quran 22:40). "Why should you not fight for Allah's sake and of the oppressed men and of the women and the children who are crying: Our Lord! Lead us out of this town whose people are oppressors! Grant us a patron from Your Presence and grant us a defender from Your Presence" (Quran 4:75). Efforts to restrain the nafs (the vain desires of the lower soul) has been called the greatest Jihad. The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) explained this mode of striving when returning from an expedition: "We are returning from the lesser Jihad (against our outward enemies), to the greater Jihad (against the nafs -the vain desires of the lower soul))" Just as the foremost role of man within the context of his family is that of a provider, that of a woman in normal circumstances is the nurturing and management of domestic affairs. Despite this division of responsibilities being consistent with nature and optimal for maintaining the structure of a harmonious and organised society, Allah in His infinite mercy has blessed men and women with rewards for carrying out their respective primary roles. Although this exceedingly great reward is a tremendous favour, the wife is at liberty to forego it and is fully entitled to ask the husband to arrange for domestic help. The wife's maintenance is not in lieu of any household services. Thus according to Shariah, housework or attending on the husband and children cannot be imposed on the wife as her religious obligation. On the other hand, remedial disciplinary recourse exists within the legal framework of Islam against husbands who deliberately abandon their primary responsibilities to the detriment of their wives. Sharing domestic work with the wife. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said; "Helping wives (in their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity." (Kanz) Narrated Al-Aswad (radhiallaho anho): I asked A'isha (radhiallaho anha), "What did the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) do at home? " She said, "He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out." (Sahih al-Bukhari) This demonstrates the great inducement to care for women by sharing their domestic chores. Paradise welcomes the wife Anas (radhiallaho anho) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes (in other words nothing will prevent her from entering paradise)." (Mishtat) Thus if women are mindful of the compulsory injunctions of religion, there is no need for them to toil hard in performing strenuous acts of worship. By doing just the above they merit the same lofty ranks as awarded to men who perform demanding forms of worship. This is indeed one of the innumerable favours of Allah. Allah's creation prays for the wife The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The birds in flight, the fish in the rivers, the angels in heaven and the animals in the jungles seek repentance for the woman who is obedient and submits to her husband." It is worth considering that merely upon doing the above women earn this great reward. It is to be noted that if there are any sins in one's account, those are forgiven by repentance and subsequent repentance causes elevation of one's grade in paradise. Obedience towards the husband is not unqualified. The scope of obedience extends to those matters which are classified as the rights of the husband. Another rule is that the husband or anyone else cannot be obeyed if the act required amounts to disobedience of Allah. None can be obeyed in acts of transgression to Allah. Wives to enter paradise before men The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "O women, the pious among you will enter Paradise before pious men. When the husbands will enter Paradise these women will be presented to their husbands after being bathed and perfumed. These women will be on red and yellow coloured conveyances accompanied by children (as beautiful) as scattered pearls." A great saint has remarked: "O Ladies! What other superiority do you want? You will enter Paradise prior to men. Of course, being pious is a necessary condition, and this is not difficult. Allah's special mercy on the wife The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "May Allah show mercy to a woman who gets up during the night and prays, who wakens her husband and he prays, but if he refuses, sprinkles water on his face." Reward for martyrdom The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) also said in the above detailed hadith: "The woman who dies during pregnancy gets the status of a martyr. . . " Rewards beyond imagination Addressing Salamah (radhiallaho anha), the nurse of his son Ibrahim (radhiallaho anho), the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said, "Does it not please any one of you that if she conceives by her husband and he is satisfied with her that she receives the reward of fasting and vigil for Allah's sake. And none of the dwellers of Heaven or Earth know about the coolness of her eyes (a unique repose) she will get for the labor pains she suffered. When she delivers, not mouthful of milk flows from her and not an instance of the child's suck, but that she receives for every suck and mouthful, the reward of a good deed. If she is kept awake by her child during the night she receives the reward of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allah." The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) then said: "O Sallamah do you know which women are being referred to? Those who despite piety and enjoying a respectable position obey their husbands and do not belittle them." (Al-Tabarani) Reward through husband's earnings The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "When a woman spends (in the Path of Allah) from her husband's wealth, not wasting it (but spends reasonably and within permissible limits) she will have her reward for what she gave and her husband will have his for what he earned. The same applies to the storekeeper. The reward of any of these persons does not diminish the rewards of the others." (Bukhari) In the life of this world, the title or ownership of wealth is outwardly assigned to human beings through apparent means such as earnings or inheritance, due to the necessity of organising the affairs of an orderly society. However all human beings are on an equal footing in terms of real ownership of possessions, in view of the fact that it is not man but Allah Who is the Absolute Owner. The husband, the wife, and even an employee who arranges for the charity payment to be made, are all rewarded due to their respective roles in facilitating the giving of charity and not on account of their temporary ownership of what was donated. This saying of the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) is a source of profound reassurance for ladies not to fear that giving charity without having personally earned the money carries no reward. Reward for pilgrimage Narrated A'isha (radhiallaho anha), the mother of the faithful believers: I requested the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) to permit me to participate in Jihad, but he said, "Your Jihad is the performance of Hajj." (Bukhari) Note: Hajj: The pilgrimage to the Kabah is obligatory on Muslims(The first House of Allah founded on earth for His worship in Makkah), once in a lifetime, provided one has the means to undertake the tourney. According to another narration, the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) remarked, "The (best) Jihad (for women) is (the performance) of Hajj." (Bukhari) Jihad is the most difficult form of worship and women merit its reward by just performing Hajj which is very easy compared to Jihad. It is to be noted that there were many honourable Muslim ladies who participated in the early Jihads. The above ahadith refer to those circumstances in which Jihad is Fard-i-Kifaya (an obligatory duty which if fulfilled by a part of the community, absolves the rest). Reward earned in the safety of the home. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "Waging Jihad is not obligatory for women (as long as it remains Fard-e-Kifaya), nor is attending (congregational) prayers on Fridays and accompanying funerals." (Kanz) Imagine the great reward that women earn within their homes! Reward for the loving wife The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said:: "Allah likes the woman who obeys and loves her husband and protects herself from other men." (Kanz) The above implies that the woman should not consider it beneath her dignity to love and obey her husband. Men counterparts of Women The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "Women are twin halves of men." (Kanz) The creation of Hawwa (Eve) from Adam (alaihis salam) is well known. Both men and women being from the same essence, their rights and obligations are also similar. Therefore even if the virtues of women had not been detailed separately, it would not have been a cause of concern, as they are automatically covered by the same rewards. Thus the virtues of good deeds earned by men are the same as those which women earn. Leniency towards women enjoined The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) instructed in the longer hadith: "Act kindly toward women, for a woman is created from a rib. . . " (Bukhari) This teaches men not to demand infallibility from women. If some incompatibility of temperaments persists in the relationship, the husband should give up his obsession to change the wife's nature. Just ponder how much leniency and forbearance is enjoined by the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) towards the lapses of women. The Best women Abu Huraira (radhiallaho anho) told that when Allah's messenger was asked which woman was best, he replied, "The one who fills [her husband] with joy when he sees her, obeys him when he directs and does not oppose him by displeasing him regarding her person or property." (Mishkat) Prayer for modest women, The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "May Allah have mercy on women who wear the sirwal (loose fitting lower garment)." (Kanz) Our natural instinct of bashfulness prompts us to cover the body adequately, nonetheless the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam), in his boundless compassion for women, prayed for those who dress modestly. The great value of women's actions. The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The vice of an immoral woman is equal to the vice of a thousand immoral men while the virtue of a pious woman is equal to the reward of worship of seventy saints." (Kanz) What a great reward for a virtuous deed of a woman. It is indeed a great favour and a source of felicity for women. Honourable mention of the wife. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The best among your wives is the one who is chaste and loves her husband." (Kanz) Purity and loving the husband is only natural, yet women are rewarded for it. Verbal honour earns reward A companion said, "O Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) I have a wife, When I meet her she says, 'Welcome my chief and the chief of my household. ' When she finds me in a sad mood she says, 'Why worry about this world when the provision for your after-life is being earned (anyway)?" ' Upon hearing this the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said; "Inform that lady that she is among the workers of Allah , and she earns the rewards of half Jihad." (Kanz) This is the great reward for just verbally honouring the husband. Quality of reward with men Asma (radhiallaho anha), reported that she approached the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) on behalf of women and mentioned that men have excelled women due to their participation in Friday and congregational prayers, visiting the sick, attending funeral prayers, performing the Hajj; and Umra and due to participation in Jihad. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) replied: "Go and inform the women that their beautification for their husbands, discharging their rights, seeking their pleasure and obeying them is equal in reward (to the above mentioned acts) of men." (Kanz) The great reward for nurturing The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "From the instant of conceiving up to the delivery and nursing of the baby, the woman gets the same reward as the one who has been appointed to guard the boundaries of Islam and remains steadfast for Jihad. If she dies during this period, she gets the reward of a martyr." (Kanz) Besides the mother's exclusive opportunity to be rewarded in the hereafter, she enjoys vast authority and status in addition to her spousal rights. In her role of motherhood she has an unquestionably privileged position in relation to her husband. The following is a very brief but exact picture of these Islamic teachings. |
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