Wednessday, November 30, 2011
Stress: a condition created when the brain overides the bodily propensity to beat the living shit out of someone who needs it.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
It's ok to spill the wine today, if you feel you really have to. Under no circumstance should you dig that girl, however.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This is a good time for you to start your on-line loan shark business. Start small, though. Try to be sort of a "loan piranha", at first.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to make as much goulash as possible.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to make a nice pot of gruel. Isn't it strange, how difficult it is these days to find gruel on the menu at restaurants? Perhaps you should start your own restaurant (e.g. The Gruel Pot) to rectify that situation.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will find a bumper sticker that truly defines your sentiments. It will say "Buy More Socks!".
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Someone named Tyrone is about to sell you a vacuum cleaner. There's nothing much you can do about it, I'm afraid.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Squid day, again. Try to make the most of it. Perhaps you could go around with a bucket of squid, and give one to each of your neighbours? Chances are you don't know them as well as you should, and this will make sure nobody feels guilty about that in the future.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
In a daring intellectual coup, you will translate a collection of Zen koans from Chinese directly into Jive, in an attempt to combine the best elements of philosophical thought and emotion. You will title the collection "Yo Mama By The River".
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Bad day to call someone a "whiney Gen-x cybercowboy". Tomorrow's better, for that one.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Bring extra. You'll need it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You've been finding that the best-laid plans of mice and men often go astray. Or is that awry? Awiggly? It's something along those lines. Anyway, the thing to do is to fire your mice.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Life is beginning to bet a bit stale, isn't it? Whenever that happens to me, I concoct some sort of prune-related recipe and send it off to the food editor of the local daily. You might give that a try9
Rose!
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