<>_<>Thursday, October 06, <>_<>
Thursday, October 06, 2011
"He was all over the road, and I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will be chased through the streets tonight by a group of wild-eyed short people wearing togas and playing kazoos. Be careful -- they may have escaped from a birthday party, and should be considered armed and dangerous.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to begin making a monster costume. Be sure to make it nice and comfy, since you will discover that you actually enjoy lounging around in it.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
A swarm of rats will sneak up on you, and you will be suddenly engulfed in a squeaking, biting, torrent of rabid vermin. Oops! No, ha ha, looks like I forgot about the influence of Venus, didn't I? Sorry. Hmmm. Ok...actually, today you will have pizza.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Someone will give you a card, today. It'll be nice.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will begin a bitter and drawn-out battle with a gopher. You don't stand a chance.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Someone will turn a cold shoulder to you, and your feelings will be hurt. You'll get even by turning a tepid elbow to them, later. Just don't let it escalate to the blazing ankles stage, is all.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Bad news: people think you're becoming paranoid. Isn't that just typical, though? I mean, they don't even HAVE invisible malevolent air-squids spying on THEM, do they?
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will have a sudden and brilliant idea for how to eliminate the U.S. Federal deficit. "Let's all just pretend there isn't one!", you'll say.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Oh boy! Today you will find some cool shoes that you'd forgotten all about, in the back of your closet. Oddly, they no longer fit, and are at least 3 sizes too large. This may worry you.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will get the peculiar urge to go outside and roll around in something yucky. Also, you'll notice your ears are getting hairy.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You've always felt, like Socrates, that the unexamined life is not worth living. There's no need to use a microscope, however
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