<>_<>The Gospel -Golf<>_<>
The Gospel According to St. Titleist
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
~Grantland Rice
~Grantland Rice
2 Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~John Updike
~John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~Robert Lynd
~Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~Horace G. Hutchinson
~Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson
~ Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~Sam Snead
~Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~William Wordsworth
~William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
~Dean Martin
~Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~Tommy Bolt
~Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
~Bishop Sheen
~Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Arnold Palmer
~ Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
~Chris Codiroli
~Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~Pete Dye
~Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~Buddy Hackett
~Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
~Billy Graham
~Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~Jack Lemmon
~Jack Lemmon
17. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~Mark Twain
~Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~Harry Vardon
~Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
~Raymond Willis
~Raymond Willis
20. May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.
~Ben Hogan
~Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~All Us Hackers
~All Us Hackers
22 The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~George Deukmejian
~George Deukmejian
AND FINALLY................
23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~Lee Trevino
~Lee Trevino
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