*Time Pass *
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local mall.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse, so I had to learn to while away my time.
Yesterday my dear, loving, busy, affectionate wife received the following letter from the said mall:
Dear Mrs.S_____,
Over the past three months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. S______, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's shopping carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 9: Walked up to an employee in the Electronics Dept and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 Alert in Cookeryware Department. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5.July 15: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. July 25: Set up a tent in kids' department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the furnishing department to which twenty children obliged.
7. July 29: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency services had to be called.
8..July 31: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
9..August 2: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Dhoom Machake' theme. .
10. August 4: Hid in a ladies clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
11 August 5: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15.August 8: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Regards.....................
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