Humorscope~Sunday, July 08, 2012
"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." -- James Thurber
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Bad day to feed the Bengal tiger. Let someone else do it, today. Probably just an "off" batch of the Purina Tiger Chow, but why risk it?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Privacy will be an issue today. This may possibly be because a group of foreign tourists will follow you everywhere, smiling and nodding the entire time.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
This may be a good time to take up squid farming. Provided that you can figure out what type of hat to wear, that is.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
While idly doodling on a notepad, today, you will accidentally draw a symbol sacred to an ancient voodoo deity, and will open a gap into part of the astral plane that is even less appealing than Akron, Ohio.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell them to take the second star to the right, and go straight on till morning. (I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much more effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and follow them. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad". It's something to do.)
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will get one of those pre-mixed salads in a new high-tech bag that "breathes". Or, in this case, wheezes.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Noticing a picture on a colleague's desk, you will comment "I've never cared for those hairless cats". That might not be a good thing to say. Newborns can be a bit blotchy, and new parents can be a bit touchy...
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
If a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him a raisin cookie. That, of course, is a metaphor for what will really happen.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover that by simply wearing a large amulet made of bones and feathers, and by carrying a blowgun, you can usually get a seat on public transportation, no matter how crowded it gets.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Absolutely marvelous day to complain, grumble, gripe, or whine. Remember: if you're going to do something, do it well.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will independently re-discover an old Celtic trick, which will help considerably with an upcoming math test. In particular, you'll find that painting yourself blue may do little for your own mathematical abilities, but it will be a significant distraction for everyone else.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will acquire a slight sniffle, today. (A sniffle is a cross between a dachshund and a cairn terrier, bred especially to spot helicopters.)
Rose!
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