<>_<>GOOD EVENING <>_<>
TUESDAY,April 17, 2012
For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on car rooftop.
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will feel tired and run-down today. This may possibly be because of the marathon you ran yesterday, and the taxi that ran into you near the finish line. Just a guess.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will believe a completely ridiculous hoax about a computer virus today, and everyone will tease you mercilessly.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will watch something like a hawk. Basically, you do that by having unblinking beady little eyes, and a brain the size of a peanut.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good time to be happy-go-lucky! You'll find that works out a lot better than the sad-go-accident-prone you've been trying.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Nobody knows the trouble you've seen. Except for Bob, that is. You know - the quiet neighbor, with the binoculars?
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
You will discover a horror almost beyond imagining today -- your home is inhabited by the ghost of an insurance salesman. Who you gonna call?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will make pizza from scratch today (dough and everything), and will beam with pride. As well you should.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
An old nickname will surface today, much to your dismay, "Giggles".
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Everyone you know will wear unmatched socks, today. Actually, it's stranger than you think -- they'll all members of a pagan cult, and this is Sock Swap Day.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
So. You let your "mole plants" die. Now the moles are back, and this time they mean business. No more Mr. Nice Mole. Try burying a line of eucalyptus cough drops along your property line. If that doesn't work, there's a chance you can buy a nuclear warhead from Ukraine.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You, for one, have just about had it with all this "Globalization". Time to go on a diet!
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