«*» RUKHSANA«*» <>_<>PUNS FOR TODAY<>_<>

 

 

<>_<>PUNS FOR TODAY<>_<>

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man.  "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one.  "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.  And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence.  "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half.  Each of you shall receive a half."  "Sounds good to me," said the first lady.  But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood.  Let the other woman's daughter marry him."  The wise king did not hesitate a moment.  "This man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.  "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.  "Indeed," said wise King Solomon.  "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law!"

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Both sugar and vinegar are preservatives, so it seems to boil down to whether you want to be in a jam or be pickled.

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist: While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, The Opportunist.

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To Mary, the love of my life: There is nothing I would not do to reach your side. I would climb the highest mountain! I would cross the trackless desert! I would swim the widest ocean to be near you, my beloved. With love and tenderness, Jonathan P. S. See you Saturday night, if it doesn't rain.

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Two young and single men were at the bar and chatting. "I do not understand my girlfriend. You know, I can't really read her." "I read mine like a book.""How?" "Like I read all my books --  In bed."

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I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman
was born just by feeling her Body. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"? I said, "Yesterday.".