<>_<>Giggles <>_<>
There was a young plumber named Lee
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea;
Said the lady, "Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "That's me."
A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic. "We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids," said the husband. "And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid." "Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you 'do it'?" "Do what?" asked the wife.
A woman went to the doctor asking for bigger breasts. The doctor gave her the choice of either having an implant or wearing a special bra that inflates when you flap your arms up and down. The woman chose the bra. The next day she went to a bar to try out her new bra. She saw an attractive man sitting alone at the bar. Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man, who had started flapping his legs. "I see we have the same doctor," he said.
The difference between a woman and a volcano is a volcano never fakes an eruption.
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple's moment of passion, the cab driver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?" "No way, get your own," said the groom, "this one's all mine!"
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. Suddenly, Lulu's Grandma came by. Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?' Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself, Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?' Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em dry.' The policeman fainted.
When Liam decided it was time for his friend Brendan to part withhis virginity, he accompanied him to the local whorehouse and explained Brendan's condition to the madam. "Don't worry, my boy, we'll get a nice lass to take care of ye," she promised. "Ye just do your part and make sure ye wear one of these." And the madam took a condom out of her drawer and rolled it down over her thumb by way of instruction. Brendan parted eagerly with his money and bounded up the stairs to Room 12, where a cheerful farm girl soon showed him the ropes. After he'd come, a frown passed over her face. "The rubber must have torn," she muttered. "I'm wet as the sea inside." "Oh no it didn't, Miss," Brendan cheerfully reassured her, holding up his thumb as evidence. "It's good as new."
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Worse: He looks better than you do in them
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea;
Said the lady, "Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "That's me."
A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic. "We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids," said the husband. "And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid." "Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you 'do it'?" "Do what?" asked the wife.
A woman went to the doctor asking for bigger breasts. The doctor gave her the choice of either having an implant or wearing a special bra that inflates when you flap your arms up and down. The woman chose the bra. The next day she went to a bar to try out her new bra. She saw an attractive man sitting alone at the bar. Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man, who had started flapping his legs. "I see we have the same doctor," he said.
The difference between a woman and a volcano is a volcano never fakes an eruption.
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple's moment of passion, the cab driver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?" "No way, get your own," said the groom, "this one's all mine!"
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. Suddenly, Lulu's Grandma came by. Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?' Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself, Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?' Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em dry.' The policeman fainted.
When Liam decided it was time for his friend Brendan to part withhis virginity, he accompanied him to the local whorehouse and explained Brendan's condition to the madam. "Don't worry, my boy, we'll get a nice lass to take care of ye," she promised. "Ye just do your part and make sure ye wear one of these." And the madam took a condom out of her drawer and rolled it down over her thumb by way of instruction. Brendan parted eagerly with his money and bounded up the stairs to Room 12, where a cheerful farm girl soon showed him the ropes. After he'd come, a frown passed over her face. "The rubber must have torn," she muttered. "I'm wet as the sea inside." "Oh no it didn't, Miss," Brendan cheerfully reassured her, holding up his thumb as evidence. "It's good as new."
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Worse: He looks better than you do in them
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