«*» RUKHSANA«*» Time to Laffffffffffffffffffffff

 

It was my first time visiting Dr Putz for a colonoscopy ? I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me . She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: A Tube of K-Y jelly, A rubber glove And a beer . When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc", I'm a little confused This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, And I know what the glove is for,   But can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.   He flung the door open and yelled to his new nurse, "Damn it, Evelyn !!! I said a BUTT LIGHTER!"     Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often!   SENIORS IN ARIZONA   Getting old in Texas          Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in the community center in Brownsville, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.' After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'   **********************************************************       Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in  Tampa , FL. reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.. The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.   **********************************************************   A little old lady was sitting on a park bench on South Padre Island, a small Island on the Gulf of Mexico in Texas . A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?' He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'      'So, where were you all these years?' 'In prison,' he says. 'Why did they put you in prison?' He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.' 'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'   **********************************************************   Two elderly people living in Apache Junction, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?' After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!' The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?' He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?' He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'   **********************************************************   A man was telling his neighbor in Mission, TX. , 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' ' Twelve thirty.'   **********************************************************   A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Gilbert , AZ and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids   **********************************************************   Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably.. And never regret Anything that made you smile The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.